Phubbing? Let's talk.

Phubbing.

It's common for a client's behaviors outside the counseling session to significantly impact their well-being and the concerns they bring to therapy. If you suspect "phubbing" (snubbing others in favor of one's phone) might be a relevant factor in a client's life, introducing and assessing it requires a gentle, curious, and non-judgmental approach. This behavior can be closely linked to relationship difficulties, loneliness, social anxiety, or communication problems.

Here’s how to introduce and assess a client's phubbing that occurs outside the counseling session:

Part 1: Introducing the Topic of Phubbing

You might introduce the concept when the client is discussing:

• Difficulties in their relationships (romantic, familial, friendships).

• Feelings of loneliness or disconnection.

• Social anxiety or discomfort in social situations.

• Communication breakdowns.

• A general sense of being overly dependent on their phone or social media.

Ways to Introduce It:

1. Define and Inquire Gently:

   • "I've been hearing you talk about [mention the client's relevant concern, e.g., 'feeling disconnected from your partner,' or 'arguments with your family during gatherings']. There's a behavior that's become quite common in our digital age, sometimes called 'phubbing' – it's when someone is focused on their phone instead of the person they're with. Does that term or idea resonate with you at all, either as something you experience from others, or perhaps something you do yourself?"

   • "We're talking about communication challenges with [person/people]. Sometimes, the way we use our phones can play a role in how connected we feel to others. Have you ever thought about how your phone use, or the phone use of those around you, impacts your interactions?"

2. Normalize and Explore:

   • "Many people find it challenging to balance being present with others and the pull of their smartphones. It's a common experience in today's world. I'm wondering if you've noticed how this plays out in your own life or relationships?"

3. Link to the Client's Stated Goals or Feelings:

   • "You mentioned wanting to improve the quality of your time with [person]. Sometimes, unintentional habits, like frequently checking our phones, can get in the way of that connection. Is that something that might be worth exploring for you?"

   • "When you described feeling unheard by [person], I'm curious about the whole interaction. For example, what was happening with technology, like phones, during those times for both of you?"

Part 2: Assessing the Client's Phubbing Behavior

Once the topic is open, you can assess its various dimensions. The goal is to understand the behavior and its context, not to make the client feel defensive.

Key Areas for Assessment (using open-ended questions):

1. Nature and Context:

   • "In what kinds of situations do you find yourself most likely to use your phone when you're with others? (e.g., meals, watching TV, during conversations, with specific people?)"

   • "Who are you usually with when this happens?"

   • "Can you describe a recent instance where you might have been 'phubbing' someone, or someone might have felt that from you?"

2. Frequency and Duration:

   • "How often do you think this happens in a typical day or week?"

   • "When you do pick up your phone in a social setting, is it usually for a quick check, or do you sometimes get absorbed for longer periods?"

3. Triggers (Internal and External):

   • "What usually prompts you to reach for your phone when you're with others? Is it a notification, a feeling of boredom, anxiety, a lull in the conversation, or something else?"

   • "Are there particular emotions you're experiencing (e.g., stress, social awkwardness, disinterest) that might lead you to use your phone as a distraction or comfort?"

   • "Are there specific topics of conversation or types of interactions that make you more likely to turn to your phone?"

4. Perceived Function/Purpose:

   • "What do you feel you get from checking your phone in those moments? (e.g., relief from anxiety, a sense of connection to others online, information, entertainment, avoiding a difficult interaction?)"

   • "Does it help you feel more comfortable or less engaged in the immediate social setting?"

5. Impact on Self:

   • "How do you generally feel after an interaction where you've spent a significant amount of time on your phone while with someone?"

   • "Does this pattern of phone use align with how you want to be in your relationships or social situations?"

   • "Have you ever felt guilty, regretful, or conflicted about your phone use around others?"

6. Impact on Others and Relationships (Client's Perception):

   • "How do you think your phone use affects the people you're with?"

   • "Has anyone ever commented on your phone use during social interactions? If so, what did they say, and how did that make you feel?"

   • "Do you notice a difference in the quality of conversation or connection when phones are, or are not, present?"

   • "Have you noticed if your phubbing leads to conflicts or misunderstandings in your relationships?" ("Some research suggests that this kind of behavior can sometimes lead to conflict in relationships; I wonder if you've seen any hints of that in your own life?")

7. Awareness and Motivation to Change:

   • "Before we started talking about this, how aware were you of this pattern?"

   • "Is this an area you've thought about or would be interested in making any changes to?"

   • "If you could change anything about how you use your phone when you're with others, what would it be?"

8. Reciprocal Phubbing:

   • "How often do you feel 'phubbed' by others? How does that impact you?" (This can provide insight into their understanding of the behavior's effects and whether their own behavior might be a reaction).

Assessment Tools (Consider if appropriate):

• Self-Monitoring: Ask the client to keep a log for a week, noting instances of phubbing: the situation, triggers, feelings, and perceived consequences. This can increase awareness significantly. (see attached worksheet, “My Phubbing Habits”).

• Specific Questionnaires: While you might not administer a formal psychometric tool unless you have specific training and purpose, being aware that scales like the "Partner Phubbing Scale" exist and highlights that this is a measurable behavior. You can adapt concepts from such scales into your clinical interview.

Part 3: Connecting Assessment to Therapeutic Goals

Throughout the assessment, continually link the discussion back to the client's presenting problems and therapeutic goals.

• "Given your goal of [e.g., 'feeling more connected to your partner'], how do you see this pattern of phone use either helping or hindering that?"

• "Could working on being more present in your interactions, and perhaps reducing phone-related distractions, contribute to [e.g., 'lessening your social anxiety' or 'improving your communication skills']?"

By introducing and assessing phubbing in this comprehensive and empathetic way, you can help clients gain insight into how their technology use habits might be impacting their lives and relationships, and collaboratively decide if it's an area they wish to address in therapy.

My Phubbing Habits.docx

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